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The Order Awards 2012
=The Order Awards 2012= //*// * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * And the wieners are... //*// * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Classic Awards Who is the God King of the Order? The struggle for the elevated status as God-King was fierce behind the scenes. With only one vote each, Jebus, Brother None, Stag and "Science" didn't stand a chance. Yamu and bntest shares third place this time around, with 3 votes each to their names. And for the grand finale, the gold medal was first tied between Luke and Gerko, each with 7 votes. Since I can't vote for myself, and since the God-King position is not meant for sharing, by humbly casting my defining vote on Gerko, I humbly bow for the new (and old) God-King of the Odour. And I didn't even touch anyone during my short but prosperous reign. :/ Who is the Coolest member? There are some pretty cool guys being lude with two dudes with food amidst our ranks. Pretty cool, but still far from the award, are Little Robot, generalissimofurioso, Stag and Dead Guy - all with one vote each. Sharing the 'first of the losers' slot, Candlejack and Luke both got three ice cold votes in this category. Wooz took a chilling third with 4 votes to his name, Yamu managed to snag an algid 5 votes and hence the silver medal, and TwinkieGorilla takes down the gold with 5 nipping votes! Who is the Funniest member? Let's begin with ruling out those not that funny. Luke, Jebus, Stag, Dead Horse, verevoof, Little Robot, Serifan, BN and Abstain all stand chanceless in the shadow of higher wit. TwinkieGorilla is only slightly less chanceless, but chanceless nonetheless, with 2 votes. Second place is shared by a whole three members - Farmerk, Yamu and Kilus - all with 3 votes! And the funniest of teh funnay, the gold medalist, is generalissimofurioso, with his name jotted down on 5 capricious ballots for this category. Who is the Sexiest member? Mirror mirror on the wall, which is the most quaffilicious face of all? Dirk Magirk, Mikey, Stag, Skenvoy, Brother None, Wooz, Ozrat, Jebus, The Commissar and Abstain are obviously not all that hawt. Going straight for the silver are instead verevoof, Hoxie and Luke, each with 3 votes. It's not surprising that the reigning champion, our very own DILF Gus takes down the gold, with twice as many votes! (6 for sexy). Who is the Fugliest member? Bring out your sleeping masks, for the tallying of this category wasn't pretty... Crni, rcorporon, Pipboy2000, Dragula, Stag, generalissimofurioso, Sander and Wooz each got one vote of fugly. Abstain, Farmerk and longtime champion of olde Ozrat share the not so prestegious bronze-medal in this award, and Serifan takes the silver, with or without mullet. Like last year, the champion of ugly is none other than the Kilus dweller, with 6 repulsed but convincing votes. Which Orderite is the Most Orderite? The question on everybody's lips - on their chapped lips - is: Does Phil feel lucky? who is the defining orderite? Kilus, Yamu, Stag, Pipboy, Tagaziel and Serifan are each certainly orderites, but none of them constitute the orderite with only 1 vote each. Abstain (including one honorary vote to Ayn Rand), Twinkie and Formerk share the bronze with 2 votes each. Alec managed to snitch the silver with 3 votes, and yet pales in this landslide victory to... Luke, who with 10 votes took down the gold. Who would you prefer to meet in real life? verevoof, Little Robot, Candlejack, Stag, Pope Viper, Jebus, Mikey, alec, Luke and Daimyo each have one secret stalker, but it won't win them any award of this magnitude. Sharing the silver are Wooz, Yamu, Twinkie, Abstain (including Yvonne Strahovski), and generalissimofurioso - all with two votes. The person we'd all like to hook up with is the venerable Brother None, with 5 votes. Also Sort Of Classic Awards Which member bears the heaviest burden of intellect? Like every year, this category will be a big surprise... Even though there's something about the intellect of Stag, Wooz, alec, Dead Guy, Serifan, SkuLL and bntest, it doesn't quite cut it for an award. Sander and Yamu are moderately well equipped, brain-wise, but pale in comparison to the longtime champion Brother None, taking down the gold with a whopping 13 votes! Which member bears the lightest burden of intellect? Farmerk, Stag, Brother None, Kilus and Pope got one thoughtless vote each in this category. Sharing the bronze are Abstain, Jebus and Serifan, each with 2. Pipboy2000 takes down a convincing silver with a whole 5 votes, which would have been enough to win certain other categories... But none can match the light-weight intellect of Crni Vuk, who with 9 perceptive votes earns the gold. Who is the most tasteful Orderite (music/movies/books)? Stag, verevoof, generalissimofurioso, Sigblades, Yamu, verevoof and Formerk aren't entirely tasteless with their single votes. Twinkie has an alright taste, taking down the bronze with 3, and the silver medal goes to Abstain with a whole 5 votes. The landslide victory, however, belongs to Brother None, taking down yet another gold medal with 10 votes, ensuring his hat-trick. Who has the most angst? The thypical Orderite is a depressed little critter, with many little woes. Brother None, Hoxie, Jebus, Farmerk, Stag, Whitney Houston (Abstain), clerquer, Furioso and Yamu all have their share of agony with one vote. The bronze is shared by Serifan, Dragula and verevoof, who feel worst than most but not bad enough to get a prize. alec, however, claims the silver of misery and suffering with 4 votes, leaving the victory open for TwinkieGorilla to grab, with 6 votes of torment. Who posts the funniest spam? Little Robot, generalissimofurioso, horse, Jebus, Stag, Crni, alec, Pipboy, Abstain, Luke, eom and Dirk are all just a wee bit funny - funny enough to get 1 vote each, but should probably not quit their dayjobs for a shot at standup comedy. Neither should Twinkie or Serifan, even though they share the bronze with 2 votes each. Formerk could have a decent shot, seeing as how he grabbed the silver medal with 4 votes. Taking the lead with a thin margin is Kilus, whos spam earned him 5 votes in this category, and yet another gold medal. Who posts the most boring spam? Twinkie, Serifan, Buxbaum, Heinz and Stag are politely advised to step up their funny games a little bit, with 1 vote each in the most boring spam category. Kilus, the champion of funnay, has 2 haters out there who would like to see him get funnier or get bent (I'm assuming). Pipboy2000 shares the not so prestigious silver with Abstain, each with 3 votes. And the winner of this gold medal is the biggest landslide winner of 2012. Crni Vuk takes it down with a whole 12 votes! Congratu.. er, well... It's just how it is right now. Who is best n00b? Dead Guy, Dirk Magirk, Stag, sR, Hoxie, BN, Stapes and verevoof are appreciated n00bies and n00blettes in the community, each with the magnitude of exactly 1 vote. Abstain is the bronzeholder for this category with 2. Up there in the top, a very convincing and well deserved silver is taken down by Little Robot, with an amazing 6 votes that just won't cut it, so lets forget about him and move on to the winner - Formerk! Congratulations; 9 votes earned you the best n00bling award of 2012. Unique Awards Who do you think masturbates most? Dragula, Sicblades, Stag, Crni, Brother None, Little Robot, Heinz, Kilus and Ozrat all masturbate, but far from furiously with only 1 vote. Luke, using his new equipment, join forces with Buxbaum and Hoxie to masturbate on bronze-level, with 2 votes. The second largest wanker, or rubber, of the group is verevoof, who despite the frozenness of her vagina manages to give it a wee lil' rub from time to time according to 3 voters. And the biggest wanker of them all is alec, quaffing his way to first place with 7 votes. Which Orderite's Genitals Would You Get Tattooed On Your Own Genitals? The genitals of Jebus, Candlejack, Stag, Sicblades, Skenvoy, Buxbaum, Little Robot, Buxbaum and Mikey are all probably pretty small, since 1 Orderite each would prefer to have them tattooed to their own in this new category. Twinkie is alone on the bronze for 2 votes, while Hoxie and Luke share the silver, each with 3 votes. The gold is shared this year between Abstain and verevoof! Who wouldn't want a vagina on their penis (or vagina) is beyond me, and I congratulate to the victory of this prestigious award. Who will probably not win an Award in any category (except this one)? Perhaps not forever alone (without an award), but alone for a very long time, are McRae, PlanHex, Bux, Hoxie, Stag, Jebus, Tagaziel, rcorporon, Rusty Skull, Pipboy, Dead Guy, KSM, Ratty, Sicblades, Dragula, Tone Capone and victor destined to be. The silver is split three ways between Skull, clerquer and Abstain, each with 2 votes. And the poor critter who shouldn't be expecting any gold medals except for this one is Zaij, with a pretty unconvincing but still sufficient 3 votes. Beyond Luke, which Orderite do you hope has relationship problems on the horizon? Well, this was a weird category. Daimyo, Stag, alec, Little Robot, TVD, Jebus, victor, Mikey, Jebus and Gus: watch out, for 1 secret hater out there wishes you harm in your relationships (if applicaple). Pope Viper, watch out for your family, and verevoof; protect your imaginary friends - 2 people each are out to get your success in the art of love. Twinkiegorilla gets 4 votes hoping to destroy his relationship, and Abstain - including one vote on xu - takes down the gold with 6 votes! I was just wondering if Abstain would actually win any category this year. Since Abstain can't really win (at least not this year anyway), the gold goes by means of walkover to TwinkieGorilla! Who's your Valentine? There are many potential suitors out there, it seems. Sander's boner, Wooz, Daimyo, Stag, Candlejack, Sicblades, ))<>((, Ratty, BN, Gus and Phauxe Kitsune - expect a love letter on the post from 1 cavalier. Brother None finished first of the losers, but it's still pretty cool to be desired by 2 for a threeway. A quadrupelway may be had by verevoof, Little Robot and Abstain, sharing the silver with 3 votes. And, of course, the true Valentine of the Order is... You know him, you love him - Jebus, with 4 votes. Most Likely to Frown at a Picture of John Stamos? What is this I don't even... Ok, whoever John Stamos is, generalissimo, Dead Guy, Wooz, Hoxie, BN, Stag, Sicblades and Dirk would all frown a little bit if presented with a picture of him/it. Mikey would frown slightly more with 2 votes, alongside Twinkie and Candlejack with the same amount on the bronze. Alone on the silver is "What is this I don't even", which got 3 independent votes. The gold is shared by Abstain and verevoof, each with 4 votes! (Abstain actually won it alone with 7 votes, counting the "What is this I don't even" as obvious abstains, but voof wins gold via walkover. Next year, someone ought to name-change to Abstain.) Who is most likely to to overuse internet memes in real-world conversations? The thypical Orderite is quite the social critter on the internet, but what about in the real world? Likely to slightly overuse the lingo of memes are Dragula, Stag, Serifan, Little Robot and verevoof - all with 1 vote. Formerk, Crni, Twinkie, Candlejack, Maka, Hoxie and Pipboy are all pretty likely to do the same, as they all collected 2 votes here, making for the biggest shared silver of the awards (split over 7 people). On the amazing gold level, we find Abstain and generalissimofurioso, with 3 votes each. Woho! Most excited Orderite? Pipboy, alec, generalissimofurioso, Stag, TVD, Kilus, Yoshi and Serifan are only mildly excited about this award, or anything for that matter, each with only 1 rather unexcited vote. On the bronze stool we find Abstain, Dirk, Farmerk and Little Robot - all with 2 votes each. Falling just on the finish line is Crni Vuk, with 4 votes, and th champion of excitement is our very own Candlejack, who just can't hide it with 5 votes! Most excitable Orderite? The results were quite different for this category. Formerk, Stag, clerquer, Dragula, Pipboy, McRae and Maka are very mildly excitable for 1 vote each. Brother None and alec share the 'first of the losers' spot with 2 votes, Crni takes the bronze for 3, Hoxie takes the silver for 4 votes... and the enthusiastic but easily excitable Orderite TwinkieGorilla takes the gold, with 7 hysterical votes. Angrily. And now, the moment you've all been waiting for... Parrot of the Order? Candlejack, Crni, Stag and Abstain can all draw a fresh breath, for they are not the pet parrot of the Order - 1 vote doesn't cut it. Serifan and Pipboy2000 aren't entirely as safe for next year, with 2 votes to their names. Dragula takes the bronze with a whole 4 votes, and lo - Brother None earns the silver with 5. That means Serifan's campaign was to no avail, and the strong champion of olde returns for yet another month of parrotry. Congratulations goes to Jebus, with wub. Editors note: Luke is an ass for using white font in his write-up.